What with the impending and lamented demise of the Penguin’s beloved igloo (aka Civic Arena/Mellon Arena) Janet (evil one nee of planet Janetron) was  pissing and moaning about the loss of such a wondrous piece of architectural innovation – I believe her exact words were, “Do you realize how much Pens tickets are gonna be in the new rink – SHEEEIT!” Being the doting husband and caring partner I am – I thought about what I could do to ameliorate her grief. So I rummaged around in my briefcase and retrieved my good old Architectural Miniaturizing Device (AMD) that I constructed in high school shop class. It seemed no worse for the wear as I dusted it off after removing it from its’ Seagramms bag. And so my plan was hatched. I donned my blues brothers suit (sans hat) and put on my ray ban shades and assumed the guise of a federal agent (“man in black”). I then caught the CN Northlander to Toronto and made connections to Pittsburgh via Greyhound. I had no problems at the boarder because I used my Freedonian Diplomatic Passport that Groucho Marx willed me – Hunter S. Thompson wanted it but he only smoked shitty cigars and he and Groucho were never really close so I got it. I arrived in Pittsburgh in the middle of the night and trudged up to the Arena and set up the crystal transponders around the perimeter of the structure to be miniaturized and fired up the AMD and waited for the the old zenith TV tubes to warm up before engaging it. But alas the 5 D cells had died from when I last used it on Forbes Field (I screwed up on that one misplacing the crystal transponders leaving part of the outfield wall). Shit! Where was I gonna find 5D cells in the middle of the night in downtawn Pittsburgh? So I walked down to Liberty Avenue and looked for an open convenience store. Nothing was open but as luck would have it Pegasus was having an amateur Go Go boy dancer night contest with the second prize being 5 D cell batteries – I guess it was just fate. So I stripped down to my  buttoned down white dress shirt and ray ban shades and channeled Margaret Dumont singing the Fredonia national anthem. ” Hail, hail Fredonia land of the brave and free… ” It was a hit! I told you I looked hot naked! It was either that or the ultra long shirttails on my shirt did not completely cover my massive endowment. I had to do three encores! But was entirely chagrined to realize that I had overplayed my – ER – hand – as it were winning first prize! SHIT! But the second prize winner – Ricky Martin, doing I think, Vita Loco was gracious enough to trade the batteries for the first prize of the two free Beto’s Pizza coupons. What a nice guy and he didn’t seem gay at all! Who would have thunk it??? It was difficult getting dressed with everyone pawing at me (at least they had nice soft hands) but I soon was walking back up the hill to the Civic arena. I plugged the batteries into place after cleaning the contacts and powered up the tubes. Everything hummed and glowed nicely. I punched in the mini factor and toggled the engage switch (from a 1963 Jag XKE dome light) and ZAP! The Civic Arena was shrunk down to the size of a single contact lens! Now for the hard part – it took me two goddamn hours with a flash light to find it! I then placed it with my tweezers into the contact lens case that Slick left at camp years ago and pocketed my architectural artifact. I was soon on my way to the Canadian boarder. At the boarder I did have a little problem – you see apparently someone had posted a youtube video of my Pegasus performance and the Boarder Patrol demanded a repeat performance – Damned Internet! But they couldn’t hold me since I had the Diplomatic passport and I was soon on my way – after narrowly averting a cavity search. I told them I had enchiladas and re-fried beans for supper. So now I am back at camp with my ill gotten gains and have re-sized it for use here in camp.

After it was happily re-sized, I made a replica of the Stanley Cup from a salad bowl and some stainless steel stove pipe and re-sized it and fixed it on top of the arena.

The Civic arena will now be placed on the frame for the roof of the new diesel generator house. So let no Pens fans lament, the beloved Igloo is now preserved for all time here at Sportsmen’s Camp.

It’s also time for the annual Lupine Picture:

The lake temperature is back up to 70F and I have the reef makers placed on the lake. As I was placing the markers I caught about a dozen nice bass on a brown wooly bugger and silver mepps. The bass have already vacated their beds and there are swarms of bass fry all along the beach.