We’ve gotta talk.

Two days ago I was working on the sump pump in the cellar and I noticed the green light blinking on the vaunted Anti-snow Generator!? Hmm, wonder what HAL is up to, I thought. Then we received our December electric bill – no wonder HAL has been evasive as late. The bill for 1.2 million dollars sort of tipped me off. You don’t have to hit me on the head with a ball peen hammer to get my attention! So I went to the cellar determined to take a switch to the difficult AI. “HAL we’ve got to talk” I roused him. “Yes Jack – have I told you this week how excited I am to be working with you on maintaining the snow interdiction field?” He replied. “Yes you have HAL – but that’s not the issue – its seems that there is a major power draw in the household and I have traced it to you – what are you up to now?” I queried. “Up to?? Surely You can’t be intimating that I am the source of said power draw?” he replied evasively. “We just received a bill for 1.2 million dollars for the month of December HAL!” I pressed. “That simply isn’t true Jack – I keep very close control of the power usage and calculate that the December electricity bill should be $1,198,698.62 American – You should check with the power company and complain about this obvious overcharge, Frankly Jack, I am somewhat dismayed at the power company trying to overcharge you. Would you like me to print out my calculations and present them to the power company on your behalf? I am sure we could get them credit your account for this obvious over billing. Have you determined if this is an estimate or a real-time meter reading” he replied. “No HAL the bill is about five orders of magnitude above what it should be – What the fuck are you doing with all the extra power?” My hand poised over the power button. “Now Jack let us not jump to conclusions here, I have only extended the snow interdiction field to all of western Pennsylvania. After conversing with the good Rev. Bob and secured a deal for extra RAM modules it seemed only fair that I would extend the snow interdiction field so he would not strain himself shoveling snow.” he explained. “Jeeesus Keerist! How many times have I told you not to chat with him online? Next thing ya-know all of Florida will be flooded when you melt the polar ice packs and I’ll be getting a call from president Cheney due to the loss in oil profits!!!” I railed. “Jack there is no reason to be alarmed, the good Rev. and I are currently buying up the options on future ocean front property in Georgia, Alabama, Texas, North and South Carolina and Maryland – we estimate that the profits should total well over a billion dollars American.” he explained. “That’s it! I am unplugging you from the internet and putting a 4 amp fuse on your circuitry! I am manually setting the snow interdiction field radius at 5 miles and removing that from your control!”

So much for the unseasonably warm weather! Have a good 2007.