“It may seem belated to place a rebuttal to a past “bias,one-sided” blog report, so late from the original slanderous, humiliating accusations, but here I go:

I am not a male chauvinist pig, only a pig. So if some of my story seems to be off the wall then don’t read it (r-rated).

One evening in January at Harvey’s bar, I made a friendly challenge to the “Canada Queen” to a pike fishing tournament on Serpentine Lake. Just to remind the readers, I am not a sore loser or a cry baby but, the truth is in the pudding. Here lies a scenario of events: #1- She (Canada Queen) has a few more hours on the water than me. #2- We had to use her boat. There must have been a spell on it. #3- She sat in the front of the boat, able to cast first to the cover, pick up all the easy, stupid fish first. #4- then seated in the second seat (her co-conspirator) I was seated on the back of the boat with all the rest of the responsibility of running the motor-avoid obstacles, supplying the crew w/ cold drinks and the last chance at any fish that weren’t dumb enough to be caught by those two, and frightened off the smart ones I caught. #6- I would have to say that at times I was ahead in numbers of fish. I didn’t count but I could tell by the long face and puffy lip. How I am not easily distracted from my mission, but I don’t think “booby shakes” to distract me was quite cricket. I am a man of will power and kept after the pike. #7- Last but not least, I was to take off and release all the fish they caught. I think this was a way to keep my lure out of the water or maybe it was just a girly thing, afraid to touch the fish. Canada Queen lost all her lures at which time I had to supply her with several lures, the infamous mepps spinner. She lost them hooking rocks and stumps like an amateur but to continue the contest in a display of chivalry and sportsmanship I supplied her with lures.

I am writing the rebuttal not just for my own image, but for a good friend “The Love Master” as well. He has to work with her everyday and I am sure she will make his life hell.

We have another tournament scheduled for 2007. Small Mouth Bass. The truth to be told then who the winner will be. A set of rules will be established. Until next year “CANADA QUEEN” who will be a half a century old by then and your skills and wit will be much less acute!!!!!!!!”

I’ve been a pallbearer for two loved ones in the past two weeks. Kirby and Vivian. The counterpoint could not be more profound – one alone and one with the family. Pallbearer. Kirby and me at home, his small limp body wrapped in his lamby blanket interred in a small dug hole between two trees that he favored, and Vivian with her family at a large graveyard outside of Pittsburgh. Don’t get me wrong I miss them both horribly. I mean no disrespect or lack of love for Vivian but the impact is there nonetheless. I know she would understand. Vivian loved her dogs more than most people. I agree with her. But it doesn’t mitigate the hurt. Kirby’s, our grief raw and without apology or expectation of sympathy – Vivian’s well founded and with all expectations of a “soft landing” but difficult in the extreme. I don’t know which is easier – sharing or shouldering it all. Somehow I get a feeling of satisfaction when it’s just me, the shovel, the hole, my loved one and my tears. I guess I am a selfish person. I am better for having known them both. I am a better dog for having known Kirby and I know I am a much better person for having known Vivian.

Vivian Moser Knopf 01/29/24 – 12/16/06

Why I love xmas.

10)Chia pets.
9) Free light bulbs! Just go out collecting. All different colors too! My antidepressant stocks get a big bump.
7) Great time to pick up some easy money – get out the old bell and give the bucket a new coat of red paint.
6) Singing ribald xmas carols – We wish you a merry syphilis, we wish you a merry syphilis, we wish you a merry syphilis and a clappy new year!
5) Building sexually suggestive snow men and women.
4) Gift wrapping feces for all those assholes that pissed you off this year.
3) Mistletoe belt buckle
2) Open season on plywood cutout reindeer – not good eat’n but they shur are easy to shoot!
1) New additions to my baby jesus collection. I got a really cool hand painted Italian paper mache one last night!

Did I miss any?

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

02/23/93 – 12/09/06

We loved you with all our hearts. We’ll miss you Kirb-Kirb. Good boy!

It’s not just for your garden anymore!

In my long years of geopolitical observation and honing my evolution of nations dialectic I have come to some conclusions. One of the first is that in order to have a democratic nation several things must be in place. Paramount among them is a literate secular (read as reasonable) homogeneous (as far as national allegiance) middle class of voters and taxpayers. Iraq doesn’t have this and thus has no chance at democracy. A major blood bath of a civil war will surely insue as soon as we leave, and some form of totalitarian government will be set up.

Iraq has no homogeneous national identity. This was insured when the major powers carved up the middle east into puppet states without regard to ethnic regions years and years ago. It is impossible to hold a nation together with such disparate groups at each others throats unless it is though fear and power. Fear and power work, but not for very long. This was shown in Alexander’s Empire, the Mongolian empire, Yugoslavia, Soviet Union and India. (Rome operated much differently by co-opting the longstanding preexisting power structures of conquered regions and incorporating them into their system. This was an early form of self rule and worked as long as Rome got the taxes) Thus a collapse into smaller more homogeneous (and perhaps warring) states is inevitable. Iraq does appear to have a literate populace but they haven’t become secular enough to throw the obvious bullshit of fundamental religiosity out the window. Its my theory that many nations will evolve through a period of totalitarian dictatorship developing a literate middle class that through time will weaken the subsequent authoritarian governments ending with eventual overthrow and institution of democracy. That is not to say that this process is not a rocky road fraught with bloodshed and various forms of authoritarian rule but I believe that with the rise of a secular literate middle class with a national identity it is inevitable that democracy will take over.

The problem in Iraq hinges on if this process can be jump started by force instead of evolving from the grass roots. I think the answer is clear – put the fucking jumper cables away, if the car doesn’t have an engine, it won’t start. Answers? – hmmm – I like the “Break Iraq into three regions and get out” idea but I still think that at least two of the nations formed will be fundamentalist theodictatorships harboring great malice to us and each other. But at least it will be an evolutionary step forward. We can only hope that global communication, trade, free exchange of ideas and information will weaken the grip of religion sometime in our grand children’s lifetimes. (The same may be said for the USA)

Print this out – shred – and sprinkle “liberally” around your garden – be careful its powerful stuff.