July, 2006

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Ah Yes!

Saturday, July 29th, 2006

The sweet smell of SUCCESS!

Today (Saturday) is the major switch over day here at camp 6 cabins to clean about eight boats to get set up for guests and the big bonus is a septic system to get unclogged. Guests were in cabin #5 and reported that the toilet was not flowing well and it wasn’t responding to repeated plunging. I asked them to move to another cabin a couple of days early to allow the system to settle down. So it dictated some “Banjo work” (digging with a shovel for the uninitiated). After a day of digging to uncover the access ports to the primary and secondary chambers and clearing the area for “action” with the bush wacker and lawn mower, I uncovered the problem. The crossover piping to the secondary chamber was plugged. I retrieved the patented crossover clearing device from the shop, hooked up a hose to the nearby spigot, got big bucket and net. The net was for capturing the offending “brown trout” or more specifically fatty concretion and getting it from the system. Great stuff! To make a long and messy story short – the crossover clearing device worked like a charm and the offending (offensive too) clog was removed. It’s great when things work the way I intend them. It a good thing too because we would have been in proverbial “deep shit” otherwise. Huzzah!

Every day is special here at Sportsmen’s camp. I took my cousin Earl and his friends down the Montreal River fishing yesterday. Please note: Down the River since the locals have confused many of the guests here at camp for years by saying “up the river” erroneously. You see no matter where you are water (like shit) flows down hill. And the Montreal River flows north in the section that we fish. The fishing was good not great – we caught several nice perch, a few walleyes, many smaller pike, and several nice bass. One of the highlights of the day was getting to see three eagles – one in immature plumage. We even got very close to one of the adult eagles perched in a tree. The day started as a typical Canadian day crystalline clear and beautiful. I got pretty burned. But ended with a thunderstorm chasing us off the river. The warm rain was quite refreshing though. I also had the added bonus of spending an entire day with my cousin Earl.

We saw a nice aurora event two nights ago. The auroral activity has been pretty low this summer thus far so it was great to see a nearly whole sky event manifest itself around 1:30 am the night before last. It started as brightness behind some clouds receding northward and later propagated to a nearly whole sky event with pulsing and some color. I woke two groups up to see the northern light. They had standing orders for a wake-up call if Northern Lights were seen.

The weather has been very rainy here for the past 3 or 4 weeks so the mosquitoes are still around and the camp is a little soggy. I am looking forward to some clear dry weather as well as the beginning of my favorite 2 weeks of the summer – the weeks when the Baxter/Poczik/Colombi clan are in residence. Card playing, beer drinking, bean bags, beer drinking, darts, beer drinking, croquet, beer drinking, wise and otherwise, beer drinking, great stories and conversation and this year Sailing in the as yet unnamed sailboat. My liver and hand to eye coordination is at peak efficiency so it will be a great two weeks! Hey we might even get some fishing in!

Is this heaven? No it’s Sportsmen’s Camp.

Hells Angels…

Sunday, July 23rd, 2006

Come to Sportsmen’s Camp.

Yes folks a recent crime wave has hit Camp! A “gang” of ruffian (Janet) is cruising the camp looking for trouble and trifling with the authority figure (me)! Janet has a scooter – so she may now be called Scoots Newton or Leader of the Pack (Barrum barrum barrum – or in this case, zing zing ziiiiiiinng zing zing). She vowed to get one before she turned fifty and lo it has come to pass (similar to gas after a night of popcorn and 50 at the fire).

easy rider

On a sad note we have lost an approximately 116-year-old (+/-5 years) black spruce next to the west horseshoe court. It was toppled during a horrendous storm that swept through camp a couple of days ago. The winds were estimated at 100mph (+/- 0.0000276 mph) by our resident wind expert (shall we say blow hard?) Erskine. But seriously folks the storm was probably a microburst. A wall of water came down the lake causing zero visibility and blowing like a son of a bitch!

trebuchet parts

On an even sadder note the Colombi/Poczik Horseshoe Court Renovation team has been set back ~5 years! When the tree toppled it uprooted the right side of the court. It may be 25 years before “the People” play horseshoes again here at Camp! Thank goodness we have the beanbag game, bocce and beach croquet.

The temperatures have gotten cooler here at camp since Sled, Barb, Jane and the Evil Wertz sisters have come to camp. With the temperatures reaching the mid 70’s F during the day and the nights cooling to the 50’s. Fifties – fifties did some one say fifties? Yes we had a campfire last night. Sled made popcorn on the coals and at least two fifties were consumed. It has been a very slow year for northern light though. Not much solar activity so the aurora has been nearly nonexistent. The guests in camp are grumbling that “Jack is just too godamn cheap to turn on the camp’s Aurora Induction Coils!!!” But that’s not the reason – there’s a problem getting online to communicate with HAL in New Castle for Induction Coil tuning. Whenever HAL gets online it overloads the Northamerican power grid due to spike loading and web with megaqueries so its not a good idea.

Fishing has been good. Janet and I went out yesterday evening working the surface with jitterbugs, torpedoes, and other surface lures. We caught many bass – generally over the weeds in about 3 feet of water. After about 45 minutes of sheer bliss – it shut down. That’s what Barb says about Sled too – but we all know its more like 3 minutes – Batumpt tumpt! But serious folks, Sportsmen’s Camp audiences are the greatest audiences on earth.

Down at the Camp they all ass…

Sunday, July 16th, 2006

For you!

The monkeys ass, the dogs ass, the humming birds ass, the bonsai ass, the moose ass, the bears ass, the mink ass, the bass ass, the walleye ass, the pike ass, the perch ass, the Shepherds ass, the Becketts ass, the Slocums ass, the Fullers ass – they all ass for you! Well they don’t have to ASS anymore I’m back! I just flew in from Toronto, and boy, are my arms tired! Badum tumpt! Seriously folks it’s great to be here – Sportsmen’s Camp audiences are the greatest audiences on earth! (Wild Applause here! Cheering and a smattering of whistling) I got back at about 9:00 SCT (Sportsmen’s Camp Time) last evening. I expected barking dogs and a wildly jubilant Janet to be greeting me – as well as a small brass band and parade – BUUUUUT NOOOOOOO – there was no one at home and a sign in the store saying that Janet and the boys went fishing and would be back at 10:00!!!!!!! I hung my head in dejection and walked down to the lake – Ahah! She was just getting into her boat (the SCB Nittany) and told me to run back to the house and get my fishing pole. So I hotfooted it back to the lodge and collected my tackle box and fishing rod, got rid of my sandals (I can run faster in my bare feet), and ran back to the dock.

How’s the fishing you may ask (he prompted subliminally)? Janet piloted the boat to “the secret rice bed area” and I caught 4 nice eating sized bass on my first 5 casts! Janet duly exclaimed that she just remembered why people don’t like fishing with me. I told her that it just wasn’t true, that they just have to be fishing voyeurs! You know like the French trappers who first came to this area – The Voyeurs! What that has to do with trapping I have no idea but you know how those oversexed French are when they are months in the “bush” sneaking up on huge wild “beaver”! Hey did I just say that? Badumpt tump! But seriously folks the Sportsmen’s Camp audiences are the greatest audiences on earth! But I digress the fishing is good or at least the watching Jack catch fish is good.

On separate and disparate notes I have harvested the most valuable radishes on earth and purchased a camp sailboat. The radishes pictured below represent 3$ Ca of seed and about 50$ worth of labour (Ca) making them by far the tastiest and most valuable radishes on earth! By the way, these radishes represent a rare opportunity for the collector and may be bid on at Ebay! Good luck on your bidding!

Red Gold!

The sailboat was funded by the Baxter/Colombi Clan and donated to the camp. It is an Albacore, ~15.5’ long and a weight of about 240 lbs featuring a main and jibsail. It is used but in very nice shape – I plan on painting the woodwork for durability and rigging it for a shakedown cruise as soon as the weather breaks – it is raining here today. When the extended Baxter Clan come to camp we will sponsor a boat-naming contest. I will of course be judging the suggested names so we won’t get any shitty cloying names painted on the stern of the boat!

Avast me hearties!

Well the rain has abated and I must survey the camp to see what misdeeds Janet (and the Evil Cherry) has perpetrated in my absence and redress and minimize the harm caused – adieu!

And the Final Score is…

Tuesday, July 4th, 2006

Nine to Eight

That was the final tally in the first Annual Cherry-Pikers Catch and Release Tournament held this year on Serpentine Lake.

It all started at Harvey’s Bar in Napoli, New York on an unseasonably warm January night. After too many Budweisers and too few Molson Canadians on tap, I challenged Pat Cherry to a fishing tournament, sure that I could catch more bass than he could. He agreed to the contest only if the fish were pike and that I had to take my own fish off. “No problem,” I responded, “your ass is mine, Cherry.” (As soon as I got home to New Castle I enlisted Jack’s help to teach me to take pike off the hook.) Pat also insisted that it was not Firth Lake that the contest be held, since he assumed that it was too much “my home turf”, but that Serpentine be the playing field. Terms were agreed upon and the trash talking began.

So, it came to pass that Monday, July 03, 2006, was the day of the Touney. Pat and I set forth at 9:30 AM this morning with our judge and scorekeeper, Carol. The first half-hour Carol was the only one catching fish, but soon, the score was Jan two pike, Cherry zip. Then one hour later, new score, Cherry four, Jan two. It was like this all day until, with only 100 feet of shoreline left to be assaulted and a nasty storm brewing, Pat threw down his pole and conceded to the mighty queen of the north, Jan. Final Score: Jan 9 Cherry 8.

where's the silver creek lager

Next year: Firth Lake, night plugging for bass. I think I have an edge on that one, eh?