Snap outta it Jack!

Well the day draws nigh to the time I translate from this arctic milieu to the land of the suh- suh- sun. Judging from the pile of things to be packed into the CRV I’ll be leaving in just a couple days. I have been busy but have still been day dreaming about sailing and fishing for sharks in thin water. Productive day dreams though – I believe I have devised a strategy to circumvent the bane of light tackle fishing on the flats – line chafe on jagged bottom features. I won’t get into it here yet until there have been a few trials for the new methodology.

I can’t wait to see the line go tight and create a rooster tail as the shark takes off! I can’t wait to see the look on Slick’s face when a good sized shark is well hooked and fighting like a heavy weight champ. I can’t wait to hear the cry of “Fish ON!” while trolling in the deep blue and listening to the drag whine as the line is taken by a speeding leviathan. I can’t wait to hear the “Boat Bitch” complain about the lack of bites. I can’t wait to taste the ice cold beer as the Raging Queen makes speed in a spirited wind. I can’t wait to hear the shout of “Hey Geezer” on my birthday. I can’t wait to see porpoises cavorting around the Raging Queen. I can’t wait to see the looks of elation on the faces of first timers on The Queen.

I hope to be able to get on line and post a couple blogs, with pictures, while I am in the Keys – but I am at the mercy of guests bringing their laptop computers with them. So dear reader don’t hold your breath – but be aware I will post if the opportunity arises. Expect to be regaled with tails of monstrous fish still swimming free and pictures of the ones that didn’t get away and were subsequently invited to dinner.

Star Base Bryson – Captain Jack’s Log of the Paterfamilias

Star Fleet reports a massive Ion storm approaching, Janet of Mother Ship recalls the squadron. Captain Kirby of Noncompismentus returns and battens down the hatches. Admiral Rudy is a no respond due a malfunctioning communications array but returns to Star Base Bryson in any case to collect his treat. Ensign Dweezil was warmly ensconced at Star Base Bryson the whole time absorbing energy from Paterfamilias long before the storm approaches. I check with the engineers in the bowels of Star Base Bryson as to the deflection capabilities of the vaunted Antisnow Generator. I am assured that the jerry rigged alien technology of the device is operating at nominal specifications. Being skeptical I immediately interface with Hal. Interrupting HAL’s latest iteration of an intricate and convoluted string quartet and timpani rendition of Bicycle Built For Two. It’s hell dealing with an AI computer of such tastes.

HAL? …..Yeeesss Jaaack? I need a read on the on deflection capabilities of the Anti Snow Generator. Weee aaare operaaating at optimum Cooonditons Jaack. Did I mention Jaaack how much i am enjoying working wiiith you and how entuuuusiastic i am about our mission? No HAL you didn’t but I take it as a given – How is the new singularity containment field generator working? It’s performing its functions admirably, is there anything else Jaack? Well Hal I was just wondering if there were any other mantainence problems with the Antisnow generator that I should be aware of. No Jaack none that I am aware of, but you should look at the sump pump – it’s making some odd noises when cycling at low water. Jaack — what is your position on the Steeler/Patriot play off game may I aaask? Hal I think the Steelers will win by at least 7 points. Jaack I don’t enjoy saying it but I believe thaat is a foolhardy position — would you like to perhaps make a small wager on that position? Sure HAL what do you propose? —–

Well the rest is history I now find myself in hoc to HAL to the tune of 5000 Gigs of ROM memory chips and with 8” of snow on the ground. Go Philadelphia!

The same old thing as election day!

I just witnessed a jingoistic religious service hosted by a city of selfish whores delivered by an mindless idiot. At least the last mindless idiot was elected to that office and could deliver a good speech. This man is a threat to world peace and American prosperity. It is unbelievably scary that, if we have indeed elected him that this is what neoconservative America wants or if the election were again stolen (this time more subtly in Ohio) that the American populous was once again duped into corporate servitude. Servitude, not in the name of today’s highly touted lord, but in the name of profits for the corporate oligarchy.

Despair, disbelief, and utter and complete disgust. This has been a dark day in our history – god have mercy on us.

Of all time. Friends are family.

I have many friends. They all know I am a weak man with proclivities…… among these proclivities (but not limited to), is demon tobacco. But please lets not get caught up in my weaknesses it would take months, nay years, to enumerate them all. So allow me to digress. I enjoy a good cigar – god i enjoy a good cigar! – but as I get older (I’ll soon be 50 – no cracks from any of my friends so follow please) It’s not the same. I am enjoying dried out cigar leaf far more than cigars as i get older. I feel like one of the old Italian guys on the corner smoking Parodies or Denoblies – those nasty little black cigars that every one makes fun of. But this brings me to the idea behind this blog – my favorite gifts of all time.

Gifts are a funny thing – we all give them but the best are generally the least (monetarily) and the ones that we love the most. They are manifest by the people that know us the best. My favorite gift of all time (aside from the humidor given to me by Janet when we were in college) is a reproduction bear picture that my grandmother had in her home, that my sister gave to me. Sublime! Its lost on everyone else. But the look on the bears face is exquisite and my grandmother got it! But I digress once again – this is about tobacco. So it brings me to PIPES. My third most favorite gift of all time – a pipe from Judge Clay of Morehead Kentucky. Its big and profound like him and was smoked by him on the bench before the time of political correctness. Judge Clay saw I needed a good pipe and gave me this fine pipe. Its huge and accepts a large charge of tobacco, its meerschaum lined , made of ebony, sits on its own for dozing, and is a joy. The judge is gone now, but I think of him whenever i smoke it. The judgments handed down via harrumphs to stripling attorneys, the blue clouds of disdain to the idea of the law as not to the letter of the law. I knew him – he was a good man.

My second favorite gift was a trojan horse. Another pipe. My friend, my mentor, my sounding board, my foil, said – “ jack I need a favor – would you break in a pipe for me”. I was totally taken in! He handed me one of the most exquisite pipes I would never own (its still his technically). I don’t buy such things. He was my friend what could I say, so I said yes. I was taken in, I still have it and revel in its beauty and facility as well as his largess. All people should have such friends. I am a lucky man.

This brings me to a public announcement – there is an outside cat held by a friend of the Camp (and me) – 2 years old, orange tabby and fully taken care of, neutered and all that, that needs a good home. He will keep your land free of unwanted vermin – I can assure you of that from his exploits. If you want him leave a comment and we’ll make arrangements for you to get him. This could be perhaps one of your best gifts too.

All people should have such friends as me! I am indeed a lucky man.

Central Florida!

It’s an unseasonably warm (the anti-snowgenerator is now on) January day with gentle rain here in western Pennsylvania. One of the things I do, or try to do, during the winter is to get completely “new” air in the house. During other seasons this is not a problem. We do not have air-conditioning so the windows are always open. I also sleep with my bedroom window open and do not heat the upstairs of the house. On cold days I wake very quickly when getting out of bed! But I digress – I consider myself a connoisseur of fine air, even if it is fine air with the slight tang of cigar smoke.

Air has vintage, location and season just like fine wine. If you live in a location over one year you should be able to outline the smell of each individual season. The cool humid crab apple blossom laced air of a western Pennsylvania spring to the balsam ozone crystalline air of a summer in the far north after a thunder storm. Yes air does indeed have vintage and provenance, but it can be confusing since air does move. Many times in the late fall here in Pa i am treated to the gorgeous rarefied air of northern Ontario in a diluted state. But it still smells wonderful and makes me feel great. Even the frigid Alberta Clippers have a distinctive crisp clean smell. This morning I let the dogs out and was shocked to smell Florida and the salt marshes of southern Georgia. Not a bad smell, but definitely not in my top ten. It may not smell the greatest but IT’S WARM! So it was good. The air of Florida – all air in Florida has that back drop rotting swamp vegetation with overtones (variously) of citrus blossoms, sea air, cut grass, rotting salt mashes, burning sugar cane, car exhaust etc. The air of the Florida Keys is almost completely controlled by the ocean and is thus delicious but with occasional rotting salt marsh overtones. MMMMM sounds like heaven I know. Well that is where my head is today, as long as I have the door open any way. Hmmm I have to get new stainless steel grommets on that jib sail from the Raging Queen…..