BEAR???

Debbie “Jack’s Narc” Jackson and her guys – The Jackson Nine – from last week wanted me to update them on the status of the bear hunt. So, here’s the current Bear Report:

2 1/2 Bears. That’s right, I said two and one half bears. Two guys killed small bears on Sunday night. Late Monday night, Keith shot a bear and was unable to track it because it was too dark. When the whole gang went back the next morning, only half the bear remained. The wolves ( not the dingoes) ate about 50 pounds of what would have been a 300 pound bear. This was the first time in my 20 years of witnessing bear hunting that this has occured. The same night Bob Zollinger saw a sow with FOUR cubs come to his bait. Never heard of that before either. She may have adopted an orphaned cup or two, eh? No bears have been killed since.

The weather is fantastic. In fact, next “summer”, when the days are warm and sunny, I think I will have to say, “This feels like a late-September day.”. A couple guys went fishing yesterday and caught a lot of smallmouths along the shoreline using jointed rapalas on the surface. Yeah, it really has reverted to July!

Found at Sportsmen’s Camp!

Emily Natella Reporting:
Hurricane Ivan was halted in its tracks by an Antisnow Generator just north of Pittsburgh in western Pennsylvania! The communities to the east and south of New Castle were ravaged by floods, torrential rains and wind. Plowing north the storm appeared to hit a brick wall about 25 miles from New Castle! We have unconfirmed reports that this was caused by the unlicensed use of an Antisnow Generator. President Cheney said that the unlicensed use of the Antisnow Generator….. what’s that? Oh there’s breaking news? Verywell, I’ll read it.

This just in, apparently the legendary Snark has been found in Ontario Canada at Sportsmen’s Camp! It has just come to our attention that the Snark was running rampant throughout the camp last week. The Snark was berating and reporting all those dropping butts on the ground or beer caps in the fire. Hey, what’s all this about a Snark? I don’t understand this story, isn’t the Snark a mythic creature from one of Lewis Carol’s Poems? So what does that have to do with littering in Northern Ontario. I don’t think the Snark was ever in Ontario. Lewis Carol was English and I am certain that the poem about the Snark is FICTION! This news story makes no sense! It also says here that the Snark’s name is Debbie!? How can a Snark be named Debbie? And what’s all this about litter? This makes no sense and….. What’s that you say? Yeeeeesss??? And its not Snark? What’s that you say? Ohhhhhhh, Narc. Well that’s different! Never mind.

Emily Natella reporting, have a good day.

Don’t ya think?

I can’t stand it. Janet hasn’t been here for a while so I haven’t been watching hockey, football or 60’s and 70’s Aaron Spelling sitcoms. My steady diet of news has been good – hurricane coverage and all. But the political rhetoric and commercials are driving me mad (not a far piece indeed). I just saw the press secretary for the appointed perpetrator (aka – W) state that the Air National Guard documents presented on 60 Minutes should be investigated as possible forgeries and were probably a result of a concerted effort by the Democratic party to besmirch the good record of W! Yeegads! “A concerted effort to discredit the Perpetrator’s service record”?! How shameful! We all know that our once and future appointed President was diligently defending the upper-class values of the Texas elite by going on road house beer binges and drunken whoring and that he NEVER ONCE protested the Vietnam debacle! A TRUE PATRIOT! Meanwhile that traitorous future senator Kerry (elected by the way) was water-skiing behind a swift boat on the Mekong river and blowing dope at taxpayer expense! Then he had the traitorous intent to come home and protest against the Vietnam War! What a traitor to the nation! To have the temerity to show such a complete lack of character by serving on a “cake” duty then biting the hand that fed him! He even made the powerful (commie) gesture of returning his war decorations. Such low morals! W never gave back any of his war decorations and never even mentions the numerous injuries he sustained defending the national honor during any of his bar room brawls!

Janet will be home tonight and I will no doubt go back on “simmer” as apposed to boil. The weather has been great here the last few days. Warm and sunny but with an insistent southerly. The fishing has been slow due to the wind but is picking up. The bear hunters are finally hitting paydirt. With a total of four bears killed (harvested for you hunters). One of the bears was 330 lb.s and it was taken by a bowhunter! The campfires have been fun with many ribald jokes and some low level northern lights. I should unplug the TV.

On the campaign trail!

It occurred to me as I was catching fish today…large bass and gigantic walleye releasing them waiting for a small one for supper… that the parliamentary system, with its short elections, was not the better way to go. I am an evolutionist. So if I extend this to political processes I save myself some sturm and drang. All I have to know that it isn’t about policy or right or truth or what is best for the nation. It’s about the schoolyard bully that the “great unwashed” thinks got the best shots in! Assuming that an election takes place – we American’s have a long winnowing process, allowing the candidates much time to collect money for bribes and favors and the conventions to beat each other to death. We all sit back and say who is the most bloodthirsty son of bitch! It makes no difference who is right, it’s just who puts it to the other candidate better. It’s marketing to masses – who gives a shit about the message! If you fuck the other guy more effectively you’ll be able to govern the best. Hey don’t laugh it’s true! This all hard ball – this isn’t a democracy it’s a fascistocracy the corporations just want the thin veneer to keep us breathing to serve them.

So the epiphany – all is right with the world – I don’t give a shit who wins the election. As long as it’s the son of a bitch that is the nastiest bastard on earth! I don’t give a shit how he dodged the draft, how stupid he is, what a war monger he is, how big a deficit he causes, how he fucks the environment, how much money he steals from the tax payers, how he fucks the middle class, how he screws the masses – its all about how many shots he get in! It survival of the fittest! And so we vote. We don’t really give a shit, we sit back and say – “Well he gave us the best celebrity death match!“ The only problem it’s not in clay-mation.

We went out and fished today – it was slow but leeches produced a lot of nice fish over the deeper shoals. The water temperature was 65F and the wind was variable with an easterly component. It’s never easy with an easterly! The hurricanes have their effect even here!

It smells like victory!

Yes it’s true Quinn, cabin number 2 no longer exists! The roof was pulled down and the floor timbers and rotted joists were burnt. It is an ex- cabin it is pining for the fjords it is but a hint of acrid stench in the northern air! Paul, Bob, Charlie and me spent the day dispatching the recalcitrant cabin. The roof descended with grace and dignity and was cut into manageable pieces for the dump. The remains were then torched without ill effect to the environs. A nest of moles were discovered, all six of them, and they were examined, replaced and marked for mom to come back to. Admiral Rudy, commander of the Vengeful Snarl was none the wiser. And sooooo as the “Flamer” might say the last chapter of cabin number 2 has been written. We found a board that had an address of a person and the year 1949 inscribed on it as well as one with – Bullock’s Elk Lake on it. No mystery there but as we were drinking ale at the funeral bier tonight, Paul was pushing some debris into the fire and discovered a large bone. Then another. CSI Gowganda the new season! Several suggestions were made. Mine, “throw them in the fire”. Janet’s, “Put police tape around and declare it a crime scene, sell tickets, call CNN!” Paul, Bob and Charlie’s was put them in a glass case with a reminder to people who are tardy paying they’re camp rental fees. But the bones are still down there drying, we‘ll decide later when cooler heads prevail.

The view from cabin number 10 is sublime! Is this heaven? No it’s Sportsmen’s Camp.

In The World!

After a pleasant day of tearing down cabin number 2, filling the diesel, cutting up, sorting and stacking siding and about 3 hours of fishing I had supper and settled into the “throbbing nerve center of the camp” (the Barca Lounger I’ve had since college) to watch some vapid tube. Boy was I going to get it!

It’s the Fascist National Convention! Featuring “I’ll be back” Arnold telling me how Tricky Dick Nixon was a defining element in his life! It was in mine too Arnold, but I was thinking about the Fascist National Party’s propensity for subverting the constitution and stealing elections! He was referring to one of Nixon’s speeches – I think it was when Nixon announced that we should annex the Sudetenland. When Arnold was done I heaved a sigh of relief – I thought I was safe. AAAAAAAAAAAAA! Some terrorists exploded a VAPID BOMB on the stage of the FNC! No, it was just that liquor cabinet raiding duo the First Twins. I sighed with relief again – what possible mayhem could these half-wit lightweights perpetrate? Don’t count your leghorns before they’re unshelled! Sadly I had “misunderestimated” the reading abilities of the pair. Like a pair of drunked up apathetic dyslectic valley girls who were homeschooled by the family goat back on the ranch they stumbled through their poorly written speech. Mumbling around the silver spoons in their mouths they flubbed every lame assed joke and kept up a nice singsong cadence! AAAYYEEE! This must surely be intended to dissuade viewers from witnessing the next debacle! They First Twins weren’t merely irritating the raw nerves of America they were introducing the First Bush – Laura! I thought this would be OK knowing that The First Bush was a former grade school teacher and librarian. What’s to worry about? Then I realized that my older brother was a former librarian and a foreboding air enveloped me! The speech was all “abaaat fayamly valyus and abaat haw all them godless liberals were gonna take all yur chirren and use’m for speriments”, but only after they were forced “ta smoke marywanna have layate term aborshiins an git marriid to Lezbeanz in yur own chirtch!” “Where is the remote”, I shouted! “Quick Janet make a selection, I can’t take it any longer, put me out of my misery!” Janet mercifully grabbed the remote and unerringly switched the channel to a “turd” rerun of the Brady Bunch. Ahhhhhhhhh – even warm shit can be soothing at times.

Lake temperature is 63F and it’s overcast and in the low 60’s. The fish were biting very light for us yesterday. We caught most of them over the deeper shoals on leeches. A group who went over to Margueratt caught some very nice bass on night crawlers. I didn’t get a bite on my mepps the whole time I was out. But today is another day!