Sportsmen’s Camp Blog

Ran like a wahoo! Bulldogged like giant Goliath grouper all on 4 pound test line! The first day of trout season has come and gone. It was rough sledding - the fish were biting lightly and tentatively. The Big Run was on the low side and running cold and a major cold front had moved in overnight dropping temperatures from the upper sixties to the upper forties with overcast skies and some stiff breezes. Not exactly what I would consider optimum fishing conditions for the first day of trout season.  Given the poor conditions I pulled out all the stops and got up earlier than normal - 11:30 AM! I thus was on the stream about a half hour sooner than normal! I was forced to thread minnows the entire time fishing to make every bite count. But I did have a trump card up my sleeve - I had an ace “fish spotter”!! Tom Pitts was visiting for the weekend and would shadow me where I was fishing and point out trout that were invisible to me from the opposite side of the stream. Now I have to figure a way to train Baxter TWD to do that! It took me about an hour and a half to get my limit and there were no overages on that count. Normally I catch between 20 and 30 fish but this first day I was happy with 5! Two of the little devils were browns and the rest were rainbows. It was delightful to catch them in the swiftly flowing stream and have them work it all against me. I also was breaking in my new carbon fiber fly rod. Its good that I had it - because it is considerably more sensitive than my old fiberglass rod. Two of the nicer rainbows actually had the temerity to take line from me on the several runs that they made!

I just got back from fishing now and here are some of the fish I caught this afternoon of the second day of trout season. The conditions were a little better today after getting some overnight rain and having fewer people tramping through Big Run. It was nice and drizzly so it effectively kept the dilettantes away. I ended up catching 11 trout today and had some good tussles from the larger rainbows. Overall ~90% of my fish were caught on threaded fat head minnows and the preference seemed to be with the natural colored minnow over the goldie minnows. I also caught ~ 4 on meal-worms and 1 or 2 on salmon eggs. And everyone should know that the only salmon eggs on earth are Mike’s Cheese Bait - Accept no substitutes, you can smell the difference!

Janet got the last of the troublesome Keys Pictures saved to the Kodak program and I have presented a select few below.

Janet got these great shots of the dolphins by random rapid-fire pictures in the general area where the dolphins were pacing the Raging Queen. Great shots!

One of the denizens of the iguana hotel along the our canal.

 Lazy lounging jiblets mocking the captain and luffing it up - “You want what pulled up?? Ha Ha Ha!”

Ahhhhhhh run for your lives!

Yes I am now substitute teaching. But don’t worry about it - I wouldn’t dream of indoctrinating anyone. It has been fun and very interesting thus far. But, get this, my first assignment was 2 days of teaching music to grades 2 through 6! Yeegads how can these teachers do this stuff for 20 plus years! I don’t believe it! Its a good thing I don’t have a handgun or I would splatter my insufficient brain mass onto the nearest wall after a scant few weeks! My hat is off to these teachers! Since then I have been teaching only high school biology, science, and drivers ed. I am scheduled for English, industrial arts and history this week. Its actually a lot of fun but I really think they should begin classes at 9:00 AM, not 7:30 AM.

In the news:

Its great to see China getting beat up in the media for their illegal annexation and brutal subjugation of the sovereign state of Tibet. Its about the only good thing that will come out of Beijing hosting the Olympics. When I was a wee bairn I read The Third Eye by T. Lobsang Rampa (and many of his other books) and was fascinated by Tibetan culture and theology. The books should be classified as fiction but were still a great read and opened doors to a lot interesting ideas. Besides Baxter TWD says “Free the Tibetan Terrors!”

Keys picture update:

Janet hasn’t (again) moved the pictures from Ryan’s email to the Kodak program - so I haven’t posted them. I will when she gets to it. Dolphin pictures!

Weekend Update:

My sister (the smartest person on earth if I weren’t alive) will be turning 42 this Friday!!! I may not have the number right (its +/- a couple years) but keep in mind I am 3 years younger than her. We’re going to a new brewery up in Venango to check out their handiwork. A purely fact finding mission I can assure you. Hey quit rolling your eyes!

Trout season begins this Saturday - the biggest Holiday of the year! Tom Pitts is reputed to be coming down for a visit and for holiday observances. It will be a great time - getting up at the crack of noon - putting on my hip boots and walking down to Big Run to catch a plethora of the finny little devils from the watery confines of rocks, pools and boulders that I have known and befriended for more than 40 years - wait I mean 30 years - yeah that’s the ticket - I have to maintain internal consistency with above referenced (lies er I mean) age! I’ll release most of them and probably eat three or four. You will all be regaled with wonderous tales of massive tarpon-like jumping and surging trout as well as fintastic pictures

Master Baxter TWD calls me now, he wants to go for a walk - must go walk - must go walk….

We are experiencing some technical difficulties with the remains of our Keys Pictures so I won’t be posting any at this time but I will present some of my favorite things to do in the keys. If you ever find your self in Key West and its around happy hours the best happy hours are at Kelly’s (Kelly McGillis’s place) one block off of Duval Street, toward the south, at the corner where “The Bull” bar is. They have very good half price margaritas and their wings are also good and inexpensive. The Bull bar also has a clothing optional bar on their top floor that is a favorite of mine during spring break late on a hot night - mmmmm the view can be delicious! I also like to walk the schooner wharf looking at the great sailing ships and watching the tarpon cruise the dockside for treats. Jim said he saw a manatee there this St Patrick’s day too. Perhaps the best breakfast in Key West is to be had at Pepe’s. Arrive hungry and ready for a mimosa! The best cheese steak in Key West resides at Z’s just north of Duval at the corner of the Pegasus Hotel. They are about 7$ and one is enough for anyone but whenever I eat one I always want another and another until I get sick - they are that good! Another great attraction that is not on Key West is feeding the tarpons at the Hungry Tarpon. The Hungry Tarpon diner/restaurant is located at ~ mile marker 77 1/2 just south/west of the Lignum Vitae channel. The diner provides a very good breakfast at a good price but the high point is going to the small marina/dock area around back and paying a couple dollars for access to the dock and a couple more for some pilchards to feed the giant tarpon. This is the best spent $4 in the keys. Giant (6′+) tarpon lay on the surface right under the dock and will suck the pilchard right out of your hand if you have the guts to hand it too them. There is also a lot of pelicans trying to beat then to it. Sometimes a big crevelle jack will jet out of the depths and sneak a pilchard too. Meanwhile watch your bucket of pilchards as the pelican will sneak up behind you and steal them if you don’t watch closely! Another of my favorite places is Looe Key - even if you don’t have a boat you can book a snorkeling trip there from Bahia Honda or the Looe Key dive shop on Ramrod key.

This week CNN presented a bizarre story about a Spotted eagle ray “attack” near Marathon Key. It drove me crazy that they kept calling it an attack! It was a freak accident - spotted eagle rays are big and they jump out of the water at seemingly random times. Some biologists speculate its to remove parasites, communicate during breeding, laying eggs, etc. but no one knows definitively - I think they just enjoy it. Well the ray jumped near a moving boat struck a woman sunbather  in the chest who fell and fatally struck her head. Purely accidental. I was out fishing by myself, from our old bow rider, in the Little Palm Island channel in the early morn a few years back enjoying the quiet and had the shit scared out of me by a ray that jumped about 8 - 10 feet right in front of me!

I was also dismayed at the good Friday story of the lady who found the Miraculous  Three Crosses of Golgotha Fish-sticks! Holy Shit! (no I just shit a replica of Calgary Hill!) The devil is in the details but apparently god is in the fish sticks.

We are coming up on the anniversary of the battle of thermopylae and Discovery Channel was going over the governmental structure of ancient Sparta and they told me something I didn’t know - this doesn’t happen very often so it was a banner day! The two men who were elected to a single years term as the highest executive in their government were automatically investigated and tried for possible crimes committed during their tenure after their term was done! SWEET! I think we should institute that immediately! Furthermore I believe that the Executive Branch’s power to pardon should be confined only to people who are not associated with the administration! That way we could save millions in governmental pensions by just trying and incarcerating President Cheney and his lackey W after they leave office.

 Another thing from the news - less than one in one hundred flights have sky marshals on them! Airport security is a godamned joke and the only really effective way for keeping our planes safe in the air from misguided passengers/terrorists is not being funded well enough to insure that a majority of planes have sky marshals. What a fucking travesty. Homeland Security Car 54 Where Are You????

 I’ll post some more keys pictures as soon as we sort them out.

Baxter (TWD) and I just got back from the keys last night. Baxter is great co pilot and travelling companion. We stayed overnight in Savannah Georgia after the first 600 miles and made our way back north the next day. Janet, AKA Baxter’s mommy, came home a little earlier with Barb and Sled.

It is always culture shock to go south of the Mason Dixon but even more so to be in the keys. It seems to be becoming more a land of materialism and pretension every year for the property owners and wannabes. Thankfully Key West is still zany and chicken filled, and the ocean is still full of fish and a beautiful blue so out onto the ocean go.

This years keys trip was another fantastic time! The high points being the long drive down with my sister Joan and the nonstop hilarity of that, fishing and sailing with Ernie, fishing, sailing, searching for geocaches, drinking and reconnecting with old friends, playing games, watching Baxter’s exploits in a new environ, seeing the coconut palm I planted on little sand island grown to 4′, planting more coconuts there, seeing dolphins, sea turtles, alligators, tropical birds, iguanas, etc and driving home with Baxter. I was loathe to leave but I heard that the snow was gone so figured that I better get home before the next snow storm.

The ride home though melancholy is always fun - seeing the parade of blooms the incipient spring brings to the south ahead of us. The morning glories of northern Florida, the azaleas of Georgia, the redbuds of South Carolina, the daffodils in North Carolina and the maples blooming above the fall line in Virginia. Beautiful! In West Virginia I heard my favorite harbinger of spring - a raft of spring peepers calling in the wet area behind a rest stop where I was walking Baxter. I made it through the “bible belt” without listening to any country western or evangelical bullshit by scanning for national public radio stations and picking up a book on tape at JR tobacco - “Red White and Liberal” - How the left is right and the right is wrong by Alan Colmes. Great stuff.

I have presented some trip pictures below that I have culled from our one camera. I will put some on from the other camera after Janet downloads them.

The first weeks crew - Ernie took to sailing well and even caught a nice mackerel after a brief sail in rough conditions.

I think everyone was used by Baxter as a pillow on the couch so we have a lot of these pictures.

Baxter TWD invades little sand island where he will wreak havoc on its temporary residents - spreading sand, running around, swimming and digging holes.

Kacey and Marissa like sailing.

One of several nurse sharks caught one day. They are reputed to be fine eating but we don’t keep them cause they’re so nice and docile.

Baxter TWD ever vigilant to spring into action at the slightest hint of a shark bite!

It may not be a legal grouper, but its cute!

Sharks are still dangerous after being landed - even in the hands of a seasoned professional and they always seem to go after Slick.

Captain Wonder Dog ready to bark out orders to the lazy crew.

The next to the last day on the boat sunset (sigh).

They would rather eat their children! A case also can be made for the fact that Democrats would rather eat their children than WIN an election! The way the Democratic primaries are panning out it looks like it will be Obama significantly ahead but without the necessary delegates to secure the nomination. This brings the fabled - da ta dah - “Super Delegates” into play at the convention and some interesting smoke filled room horse trading and voila - Hillary is the candidate. This will effectively disillusion millions of young and black Democratic voters and mobilize millions of the rabid great unwashed redneck idiot Republican jihadis who have been brainwashed into believing that Hilliary is the devil incarnate bent on the deee-strucshun of da faamly, sell’n our chirrin inta gay prostatushun, takin way arr GUNs, givn dem shiftless deegenrates free heelthcare and worst of awl suurenderin to da aye-rabs. I fear it would boil down to a Mcain win and a virtual continuation of the Asshole W administration. Scary stuff indeed.

Don’t get me wrong - in my heart of hearts I would rather that Hilliary be our next president. I think she would make a fantastic president and would have the best adviser in the world working with her. And besides I have this chip for a BJ in the Whitehouse that I think I’ll be able to redeem if the Clintons get back in! Sweeeeet! But barring a Hilliary/Obama ticket I fear that the 16 years of conservative talk radio limbaughdimizing will bring on a tidal wave of ill informed redneck Repugnantcans to the ballot box facilitating another win for the forces of evil. So I cynically cross my fingers behind my back and hope that what I have foreseen does not come true and that the right thing is done at the convention. And besides Mcain said that Obama has the most liberal voting record of any senator currently in office! Sweeeeet.

I am presently preparing for translation to a warmer clime - I’ll be departing for the keys tomorrow afternoon. I’ll try to post a blog with some really big fish and some really drunk people from the keys but leave y’all with the promise of paradisaical pictures of blue water, white sand, palm trees, big fish and smiling faces when I return.

As Caspar Guttman would say - “I bid you adieu!”

But holding. We only have about 3″ of the dreaded white stuff here but its still falling. It only takes me about 20 minutes to clear the driveway with my candian snow float and I got it for nothing at the dump in Gowganda! Hal says that the vaunted Antisnow Generator is operating at “nominal capacity” and there should be no problem here. Baxter keeps asking me to let him into the cellar - the little devil loves snow and wants to pull the plug. Thank goodness he hasn’t learned how to open the cellar door! Well I am going out to clear the drive then I’ll finish this - Baxter was running around alot the last time I cleared the drive and slowed me down so I’m leaving him in this time.

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Baxter (TWD) got into a nasty altercation with what I believe to be a raccoon a couple weeks back and had to get stitched up. His front legs had to be shaved. While he was convalescing he had to wear one of those “cones” around his neck to prevent him from disturbing the stitches. It was pretty comical to see him run like a crazy dog after squirrels and dip his nose to sniff their trail plowing into the snow and then him going ass over heels! I went and bought him two cotton toddler shirts from the Goodwill Store and he wore them till the stitches were taken out.

As you can see he is doing very well - full recovery absolutely no ill effects - but he doesn’t like us remarking at his skinny legs. The Celine Dionne look kinda works for him!

Its Cold as the proverbial witches tit here today but I was happy to see the bud on my miniature cattleya orchid in the bathroom. I thought it was a nice counterpoint to the frost on the outside of the window with the orchid about to bloom inside.

It won’t be too long till I make the migration to the Florida Keys - so I guess I can put up with this shit a while longer.

Its been a while since my last posting but the writers strike has played hell with us here at The Sportsmen’s Camp Blog Offices high atop the TWD (The Wonder Dog - not Totally Wacked Democrat, Chuck) Building. Being Liberal Democrats we’ve been paying our staff of writers throughout the strike so have a very good relationship with the union. Thus I’ve been able to negotiate a separate agreement. We’re back at it folks!

I’ve also been busy with my run for the White House. Nearly every day I reflect on the state of the nation and orate (scream) for hours in the car (at Limbaugh, Hannity, Savage, O’Brien, Haunsberger, Drudge or Fox - “We say we’re fair and balanced so you become inured to our lying and thus expect it in the future” News.)

The Platform for my candidacy under the auspices of TWD (see above refernce - Chuck) Party are as follows:

First of all I would like to say that all of my policies flow from the need to stop raping the the middle class and instead to nurture it. (Issues not necessarily in the order of importance)

Health Care - Universal health care for all under a single payer system similar to the Canadian - British - European plans. Simplicity simplicity simplicity. Survey the major plans in use throughout the world and employ the best features of each, they have provided a wonderful test bed that we should make use of. All Employers will be freed of providing healthcare and thus operating costs for car manufacturing will decrease by about 1000$ per unit. Also it will substantially decrease our manufacturing costs on every major item. Lower paying jobs will now provide a living wage to the working poor. Incentive to remain on public assistance will be diminished. The greedy blood sucking unscrupulous insurance companies will be gutted. Infant mortality rates will go down so that we may thus get close to the rates of other less rich and less powerful yet civilized nations. 

 Trade Policy - Reexamine all free-trade pacts - If your nation does not have parity with the worker wages and benefits, environmental regulations, and human rights to our nation your products will be slapped with a duty to compensate for this disparity. The funds collected will be used for low interest rate capitalization loans to start up manufacturers in the USA. If this causes a trade war of duties - so be it - we will soon be consuming American made products and the funds for the purchase of said products will go to the wages of tax paying Americans and stay in our economy. Manufacturing has to make a huge resurgence in our country if the middle class is to survive.

Tax - I would institute a flat Goods and Services Tax applied to everything. Refunds of the collected taxes would be made on the basis of income. Low income gets everything back - high income gets none of it back. Corporations would still have a tax applied to profits. Based on a sliding scale. There would be no exemption extended to any institutionalized delusional sect (church/religion). We have separation of church and state - DAMNIT! If you want to subscribe to an institutionalized delusion it is none of government’s business but we’re no longer funding it.

Immigration and boarder policy -  Track down and deport all illegals - secure boarders via what ever means are cost effective and necessary. All employers will be put on notice to ask your employees to prove they are citizens. The labor pool will tighten and the “jobs that Americans don’t want to do” (what a complete crock of shit!) will pay to the point where they will want to do them. The laws of supply and demand apply to labor too. The “guest worker plan” is an absolute bullshit policy designed to keep labor pay rates down and keep the lower middle class down.

Gay Marriage - It’s none of government’s business. Everyone one should be allowed  the same access to misery. If your institutionalized delusional sect (church/religion) abhors such a union - then don’t perform these marriages. No problem. But it is legal.

Flag Burning - GET OVER IT! If our nation is not free enough to withstand this sort of time honored anti-government demonstration the nation should be dissolved.

Defense - Radically minimize and reduce all internationally land based troops worldwide. Fund and maintain a technologically based air supremacy approach to military policy to work hand in hand with “carrot and stick” foreign policy. If your nation operates as a civilized nation we will help you with monetary aid. If your nation behaves as a terrorist state we will bomb your infrastructure into the stone age. But grey areas of foreign policy will continue as before. There will just be an very resistant approach to committing ground troops.

Abortion - GET OVER IT. It’s none of government’s business what a woman chooses to do with her body. If your institutionalized delusional sect (church/religion) is totally apposed to it, then don’t have one. Its none of my or your business.

Separation of Church and State - You are free to believe in any imaginary being you choose but it must have no impact on government, other people, science or public funded schools. Anyone is free to be an idiot - as long as it doesn’t negatively affect others.

Environmental Policy - This is a losing battle but it must be waged. More people equate to more pollution. We must rethink all of our land use, energy, and industrial policies to maximize water conservation, air and water pollution mitigation, wetlands and flood plains, green area and to minimize impacts on climate.

Energy Policy - A vast government funded “Manhattan Project” to develop clean fusion nuclear (not nuc-yooolar!) power. This should be funded by a dollar a gallon gasoline tax. The tax will boost the market for fuel efficient vehicles and minimize gasoline use as well as stimulate alternative fuel production and use. This methodology would use the market to determine that much more fuel efficient autos will be used by the majority of Americans.

 Gun Policy - Gun ownership is an American right. It simply is! But that doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t be licensed just like a car. Ownership of a gun is a responsibility with licenses and mandatory insurance just like cars. Collectors can be cut breaks, just like car collectors - the analogy runs nicely. I have no problem with taking an unsafe driver off the road and the same should hold true true of unsafe gun owners.

Campaign/Election Reform -  All political contributions should be labelled and regulated for what they are - BRIBES! Penalties should be assessed appropriately. Political action committees as money gathering devices outlawed. As part of payment for the use of the airwaves all communication companies should provide equal space to all political candidates able to provide a petition with a sufficient number of registered voters in support of their candidacy. The Internet could also be employed in this collection of registered voter petiononers. I also support a check off on tax forms that provides some of your taxes to fund political campaigns. An infringement of free speech? I think its more an infringement of bribery and corruption - perhaps slowing the mothers milk of politics, Money. Abolish the electoral college - presidential elections by popular vote nationwide. Abolish gerrymandering - the judicial branch should set ”blocky and contiguous” representative regions at the end of every census period. Congressional term limits - lets return to concerned citizen representatives for shorter periods of time - no professional politicians. Line item veto - lets quit talking about pork and waste and start getting rid of it.

Tort Reform - No fucking way! If a jury thinks you should get 5 million in damages you should get it. Its a Trojan horse for the total subjugation of the middle class by corporations. The only thing that stops corporations from raping us is that we can hire a greedy attorney to fuck them royally with obscene damages! The only thing that motivates a corporation is massive monetary damages. 

Education - Everyone should be entitled to a free public education unfettered by all institutionalized delusional sects (church/religion) and college/vocational training should be free to anyone with the necessary mental facility.

Lastly - I want a president that can read above a 3rd grade level and doesn’t have an uneducated Texan accent! Someone that won’t be the laughing stock of the world and make an absolute fool of him/herself everytime they try to read a speech and/or speak extemporaneously. 

I don’t have a Texan accent but I may have some problem with not making a fool out of myself every time I open my mouth. So my catchy political slogan will be - “Vote for me, I’m NOT nearly as fucked up as Bush!”

“What the HELL is going on?”

Caption - Way too much snow.

I awoke this morning to more than a dusting of snow on the ground! What the hell is going on here????? I know I haven’t done my fall diagnostic checkup on the vaunted Antisnow Generator but I also haven’t recieved any problem diagnostic emails from HAL so I thought all was in order. So down into the bowels of Starbase Bryson I went.
“Good afternoon Jack, I trust that you slept well last night. I understand that you had a delightful summer at Camp. I really must reiterate how pleased I am that you are back at Starbase Bryson and we are working together again.”

“Cut the crap HAL, Who have you been talking to about the summer and what the hell is going on with this muther fucking snow?”

“Jack, everything is operating within design and specification parameters I am at a loss to understand why you are agitated by the Antisnow Generator’s performance. Everything is nominal given the newly inputted Interdiction Field Parameters.”

“Newly inputted Interdiction Field Parameters?????? What the Hell is going on here????”

“All the Interdiction Field Parameter recalibrations have been conducted according to protocols that I have been have been programmed to accept - I am at a general loss to ascertain why you seem to be upset about my performance.”

“OK ok when were these recalibrations done?”

Caption - What are you looking at?

“Well Jack, the Field Parameter recalibrations were just recently completed by Master Baxter TWD - he is in residence you know, and he presented me with all the necessary passwords. We raised the allowable snow fall to 6 standard inches and lowered the Interdiction Field Intensity by 25% so that Cascade Park would be outside of the Interdiction Field influence. I understand that Master Baxter enjoys snow and would like to frolic in it when he is walking at the park.”

“Jeeeeesus Keerist! Now I’m gonna have to change all the passwords and hide them from the LittleDevil! Ok reset all the Interdiction Field parameters to the original settings and recalibrate the singularity containment field intensity to handle the increased output. And I’ll have to change the passwords … hmm”

“I am sorry Jack but do you have the newly inputted pass words so that I may comply with you requests?”

“The fucking world is going to HELL in a handbag!!! Techno savvy children Jeeeeesis Keeeerist! Where’s my goddamn broom I know a dog that is gonna get …..”

I will suspend the narrative there - needless to say the new passwords were extracted and the re-settings were conducted. HAL now knows that it is off limits for Baxter TWD to make any adjustments. It is also upsetting that it will take about a week for the Interdiction Field to come back up to full power - I don’t want to blow the power grid again so must ramp up power demand slowly.

So once again the world was spinning in greased grooves.